Au Revoir

She knew he was leaving. She mentally prepared her mind for it, as well as she could with the short notice of it all. She told herself it was only 12 weeks. They will have a lifetime together after. In 38 short days, he will be coming home briefly for their wedding.

She unintentionally began to let anxious thoughts slip into her head, even though she swore to herself she wouldn’t. She promised herself she would be strong and not put all of her walls back up to protect herself again. This girl is stubbornly independent, living by the motto, I’ve got this.

A year ago he had broken every wall. She trusted him, and he gave her every reason to. He never gave her any reason to doubt what an incredible man he was. Never gave her a reason to doubt how much in love with her he was.

With him leaving though, it was too much change for her. That was one thing she was bad at…

change.

She had just gotten used to all of the new change in her life. Now life was being altered again.

Before he left, they had a beautiful weekend together that lingers in her memory.

One moment they were out wine tasting, and the next moment they were laughing on the kitchen floor.

“Why are we laying on the kitchen floor?” he had asked her. She just kept laughing uncontrollably because she could not figure out why either. Then they just held each other and got quiet because she had said, “I’m going to miss you so much.”

They just laid there on the kitchen floor silently aware of how much life was about to change for them.

A few tears started coming from their eyes, but she started laughing so hard again to make them go away.

Sunday morning came, and away he went. She handled it. She said her goodbyes and tried hard to not think about anything. She had the best day with her little guy. He always kept her busy and smiling.

Then Monday came. Monday was rough. Monday she began to miss him too much. On Monday she worried it might be too much for her to take on. On Monday she let her thoughts get the best of her. She already felt worried that he would change, that things would change between them. Her walls started climbing too high. She kept herself so busy with her little boy, laughing and having fun. Inside she felt lost though. Could she do this for 12 weeks? She saw his absence everywhere. Josh missed him too, and asked about him for the entire day.

Then he called her, and she heard his voice again. In that moment, hearing him speak, everything changed. He missed her too. She just needed to hear his voice. Their love could get them through anything. The walls slowly began to crumble again.

My Angel

Grocery shopping is usually a bothersome task. I try to get through it as swiftly as possible. Taking a three year old only adds to the complexity of it all.

This time was different.

Josh let me put him in the front of the cart where he should be. Lately, he has been insisting to sit in the back of the cart. Sometimes I admittedly throw the towel in and let him, because I have to choose my battles. The groceries usually pile up around him anyways, and he chooses to sit in the appropriate seat when it becomes too much.

He was eager to help me this time. He wanted to choose the foods that he wanted me to purchase. He was making me laugh. We chatted with each other up and down each aisle.

I pulled my cart over to the meat department. I needed some good filets for my rare, fancy beef wellington dinner. I was rummaging through different options when Josh says, “Mama, I need a big hug!” I stop what I am doing and look at his beautiful face.

I rush over to give him my best hug and he says, “Mommy you’re my angel!”

Oh my. I melt.

When Josh goes to bed at night I sometimes tell him the very same thing. When I hear it come from his mouth, it fills me up with complete joy. The way he says it couldn’t be captured on paper. It was mixed with sweetness, happiness, softly spoken and positivity.

He’s so genuine and innocent. I will always remember these moments.

Our Song

After a big day, and some grocery shopping with my little guy, I pulled into my garage. I let Josh in the house and began unpacking my groceries. My fiancé was there waiting for us when we got home.

He smiled at me and took the bags from my hands. He placed them on the counter. He turned on music and took me into his arms. He wrapped my arms around his neck and began swaying.

This was something he had done from the very beginning. Dancing is something special for us. Our first date was a wedding, so we danced then and every other opportunity we have.

As we danced in the kitchen, I felt my cheeks beginning to flush. No matter how many times we danced, I still became embarrassed each time.

I started to take my arm down, and he quickly placed it back up around his neck. I giggled and try to squirm away, but he twirled me around. He pulled me back closely and told me to listen to the words.

When your legs don’t work like they used to before, and I can’t sweep you off of your feet. Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love? Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?

He told me that this was our song. He told me this is the way our love was going to be always.

I flushed even more, but couldn’t stop grinning.

When my hair’s all but gone and my memory fades, and the crowds don’t remember my name. When my hands don’t play the strings the same way I know you will still love me the same.

As I listened to the beautiful words, I realized he was right. This might just be our song. We danced the entire song, as I continued to flush and twirl. This is definitely the man for me.

And, darling, I will be loving you ’til we’re 70. And, baby, my heart could still fall as hard at 23. And I’m thinking ’bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways. Maybe just the touch of a hand. Well, me—I fall in love with you every single day.

Straight Greens

I revved her up. I threw the car in reverse and forgot again to pause before switching gears to drive. I have been told that one day I am going to break my transmission.

My day begins. The Frozen station is on for Josh’s listening pleasure. I blare the Disney tunes as we pull onto Oak Park Avenue.

Green Light

For the first time in foreverrrrr….the bass is just right, and I feel as if I am a dancing princess gliding across the dance floor.

Green Light

I am making good time today. As I pull up to Justamere Road, I look near the horizon and yet again…

Green Light

I am completely aware of my surrounding and happenings this morning, even before I hit Dunkin’.

I’ve never met someone who thinks so much like me….Jinx, Jinx again.

I have definitely become the Disney princess now. My voice is blaring through the car, and it makes Josh laugh.

Cicero, Green Light

I’ll finally see a summer breeze, blow away a winter storm. And find out what happens to solid water when it gets warm!

Up ahead, my eyes rest on a large locomotive. This is truly good luck. Joshua’s favorite thing is to see trains. If we cross the bumpy tracks without one in sight, he is bummed.

We sit parked at the crossing, which gives me my much needed time to throw on my eye liner. I listen as Josh talks to the train, and then says, “Good-bye choo choo!!”

We get to his school in record time. Not one red light. I don’t remember a day that this has ever happened.

I drop off Josh, and get my favorite drink…ice cold coffee.

I pull up to the drive thru, and the most hilarious thing happened. I was completely thrown off, because the voice from the speaker said, “Hi! You would like a small, iced turbo with skim milk and sugar?” So backwards. Instead of ordering I simply utter, “Yes!”

Is it a perfect Disney kind of day? I think I will float into my classroom today humming my tunes.

My Idol

Today has me thinking about someone very special to me.

My Aunt Amy

How can I ever begin to describe her? To begin with, she exudes confidence and everything a strong, beautiful woman is. She gives me confidence when I’m not sure of myself, like when things took a turn for the worse for me.

She was there for me then, and still continues to be.

When she looks you in the eye and tells you everything will be okay, you believe her. There’s no other way around it, because she truly means what she says. She says things powerfully and full of love.

A year and a half ago, when I moved, she was there helping me move. It was hands-down the worst day of my entire life.

Her hugs got me through.

Her confidence in me got me through.

Her love got me through.

She took a leadership role that day, and saw that my things got placed exactly where they belonged. It was like she knew everything, without me having to say a word. It was not a day where I wanted to take charge and make decisions, and she knew. 

I wanted my son’s room to look just as it did in his old room, and she made it happen. She went out of her way, and even dusted all of his furniture. It smelled citrus fresh when I walked upstairs, teary-eyed, to see it. She made our house a home for us. It was entirely set up for all our routines by the end of the night. My whole life had changed, but she kept this part organized. She even stocked my kitchen with cleaning supplies and groceries. I started to begin to think we would be okay.

Three years ago, I gave birth to my son. I was in the hospital, and beyond happy holding my little guy. Things were going wonderfully, until I found I was struggling with breast feeding. I thought it would just automatically work. It was a given in my mind that I would be able to do it. My mom had done it with six children.

I struggled.

I started to feel awful and guilty. I was being told by one nurse that I needed to supplement with formula until it came through. The lactation nurse was against this idea, and I was torn. My heart was a mess. I was crying and so confused.

Then, something wonderful happened. She contacted me. She told me that when she had her two boys, she gave them formula too. She talked about how some people make you feel guilty, but that you shouldn’t. She told me it was going to be just fine if he had formula. She reminded me of how her two wonderful, bright little boys turned out perfectly, without breast milk.

A weight had been taken off of me. The guilt faded. I felt relieved. Even more tears came from my eyes. This was exactly what I needed to hear. A classy, incredible mother, whom I respect so much let me know that I was making the right decision.

She’s the kind of person you can trust. When you tell her something, you can know she wants to hear it, not for gossip’s sake, but for the right reasons. She wants to know how things are going, because she genuinely cares.

When she gives gifts, they are always really thought out. They come in the best packaging, every single time.

She’s the kind of woman who makes other women feel beautiful and confident. She will only lift others, not put him down. She stands up for what’s right. That is quite possibly my favorite thing about her. In life, you don’t often find someone who’s not afraid to voice a wrong that someone is doing. I’ve seen her do it. I’ve seen her stick up for others, including myself. She does it in such a fashion, that the other person automatically respects her for it.

She is part of a charitable foundation. She creates dream bedrooms for children who are going through impossible things, such as cancer.

She’s beautiful inside and out. I could go on and on about all of the ways she has touched my life, and many other’s lives. She’s one of those people who does things for others, and expects nothing in return. I am so lucky to call her family.

I have always wanted to thank her in a better fashion, but sometimes it is hard to find the right words for someone who has done so much. She should know she is so appreciated. I hope to be at least half of who she is. How do you repay someone like this?

On One Knee

With the wedding rapidly approaching, I am taken back to December (cue Taylor Swift)…

The day I will never forget…

Back in early December, I was whisked away to a swanky hotel in downtown Chicago by my loving boyfriend. We were supposed to be going for an annual Christmas dinner that he has with his family. I was blown away when I found out we were staying in a penthouse suite for the weekend. There were views of the magnificent mile on every wall of the suite. There was a towel warmer, jacuzzi tub, multiple bathrooms and surprises by the hour from my incredible guy. I felt so Pretty Woman.

We went to Ditka’s steakhouse the first night, with all his siblings, their significant others and parents. We were standing on the top floor of the restaurant, as Mike himself strolled past us. It was the start of an unforgettable weekend.

After a fulfilling dinner at Ditka’s, his family left and we had the rest of the weekend to ourselves. I was told this was my Christmas gift from him. That night he shocked me with these mouth-watering chocolates shipped in from Chocolate Garden. It was a meaningful and personal gift because it was from a Michigan trip we went on that in the Fall. We found this little dirt road with hidden treasures down it, including that little quaint chocolate shop.

He’s so thoughtful.

 The next morning I woke up to more surprises. We began our day by hopping in a taxi and grabbing the all-important coffee. As my body started to gain its energy, we rounded the corner right into Bloomingdale’s. He led me inside to the Mario Tricoci day spa. The feeling of being pampered was relaxing, and so needed. I can’t even explain how amazing it is to be with someone who is so thoughtful and giving. A guy who is man enough to get a pedicure, manicure and massage with me. A guy who put so much thought into a weekend for the two of us. All I had to do for the weekend was enjoy every moment. I didn’t have to think. I was just Aimee.

Feeling rejuvenated, we decided to grab lunch on the way to the hotel. During our beautiful city walk, we passed the most breathtakingly gorgeous church I had ever seen. We decided to go inside and take in the views. My heart felt so light as I looked at the beautiful stained glass and vaulted ceilings. I love this part of him. I love how he’s up for anything. He’s not afraid to stop and smell the flowers. He’s easygoing and always up for things I am interested in doing.

During lunch, I noticed he wasn’t eating much. That wasn’t like him.

We went back to the hotel to get ready for dinner. I was told that I might want to wear a dress. I’m glad that he prepared me. I got a beautiful black high-low lace dress. It had a sweetheart neckline, which is my favorite.

After feeling the warm water run down my back, it was time to throw on my dress and my strappy black heels. I felt so relaxed, and so “me”. I perfected my makeup and found my guy struggling with his tie. I let him finish getting ready while I waited in the other room. It was then he brought me a box. The contents made my heart drop. There was a round diamond necklace with matching earrings. Around the inner diamond were cushion shaped diamonds wrapped around. I have never in my life received a real diamond necklace or earrings. I was in a fairytale.

As the gentleman he is, he put the necklace on my neck for me. I would have been too shaky to put it on myself.

He then surprised me with my favorite bottle of wine from Cooper’s Hawk. So romantic.

 I settled down and waited until he got ready. He looked as handsome as ever in his suit, but especially with his warm smile. He called me into the room he was in and said he had one more surprise.

I was supposed to look at it and read it before I turned around.

It was an ornament. My eyes could barely see the words, because I was overcome with so much emotion from the day– from this man.

Later I learned it said, Aimee and Scott, the magnificent mile, together forever, 12/13/14, engagement  ring and many more personal words from our weekend.

I turned around and he was on one knee. He had a ring. A ring I couldn’t see, through my blurry wet eyes. I had

 no

 idea

this was coming. I loved this man. He said some words that I am sure were the most heartfelt and thoughtful words he could muster, but again, I couldn’t hear. I knew what he was saying though. He has always been the one with the most beautiful words. He’s the most well-spoken person I have ever come across. The way he expresses himself, blows me away. I can’t compete. I wouldn’t even try.

I jumped into his arms, weak in the knees. He held me up as I said yes. Yes, a million times.

After an unforgettable moment, he led me downstairs where he had a limo waiting.

A limo

We rode around the city, calling our families and laughing. My cheeks hurt from smiling.

I was marrying this man.

We took pictures with the city as our background. I felt on top of the world.

Dinner was at the Signature Room on the 95^th floor of the Hancock building.  We had a window seat, with what felt like a view of the entire world. There were rose petals scattered across the table. There was champagne and custom menus that read:

Aimee,

To a night we will never forget.

Love,

Scott

I never will forget this day. I never could.

Dinner ended with chocolate covered strawberries. It ended with more laughs and smiles. It ended with more pictures for our memories. It ended with the beginning of a life together.

PS- Mayyyybe I also made him crash a wedding with me later that night. I had the perfect dress.

It’s Open!

Every single day Josh and I pass by Chuck E. Cheese on our ride home.

Every single day he squeals with delight about his favorite place.

Every single day he says, “Oh Mommy, sorry it’s closed!”

Today it will be open! Today, we are having a little birthday party at his favorite place.

Today he will eat a cake with Mickey and all of his favorite characters on it.

Today I will get to see his face light up as he gallops (huge galloper) from game to game.

Saturday my baby will be three!

Saturday I will wonder how he came to be so big.

Saturday I will sing “Happy Birthday” to him for the 100th time this week. I love that boy!

Thanksgiving Hikes

Growing up, my Dad taught me the things he knew. He didn’t know many girl things, and I am pretty “girly”. He taught me to ride dirt bikes, go karts, ride horses, go boating, hiking and fishing.

I am grateful for these times. I especially looked forward to our Thanksgiving hike every year. About 20 of us would hike out to the middle of the forest on Thanksgiving morning every year and we would make bon fires, cook and eat. I would explore with my cousins.

Depending in the weather, we would sled or skate. These memories always stick with me. I loved gathering sticks and helping my Dad cook. We had everything from tacos to soup to s’mores. Every one brought something different.

We would go on adventures and pretend to build homes out if anything in nature we could find. As we got older, we began to remember the path way out to our secret spot in the middle of the forest.

So many memories are there and are still made every year. I haven’t gone in a few years, but maybe this is the year I might head back. Maybe soon I can share with Josh my childhood tradition. He can begin some adventures of his own.

15

The things we do when we are 15. You look back and laugh and cringe.

Driving your best friend’s car with her as a passenger with no license or permit on the highway, or just taking drives.

Bad idea.

Borrowing your best friend’s car to visit another friend, with no license or permit.

Bad idea.

Your best friend and you telling both your parents you are going to a friend nearby, and really visiting your boyfriend in Oswego…and then getting in a big car accident and getting caught.

Bad idea.

Sleeping in the cornfields with one of your best friends while away working as a lifeguard at a summer camp, but everyone thought you were at your friend’s parents…then getting in huge trouble.

Bad idea.

Not being allowed to have a boyfriend until you are 16, but having one anyways.

Bad idea.

Sleeping over at your best friend’s house on a school night to get a project done while her parents were out of town, and literally staying up all night long. The next day at school, falling asleep in class all day.

Bad idea.

The list could go on and on of all the bad choices we make. Some of them turned out pretty funny, but you hope your own children don’t do the same. For the record, I was a pretty good kid. 😄

Crunchy Blanket

You used to be so comfortable. I searched for the perfect one.

I took great care and washed you with my Tide. I used fabric softener and a dryer sheet, so you’d smell so good and be extra soft.

You aren’t though. You’re crunchy.

Every time I dry you after washing, I burn you. I have to pull you apart and you are so, so crunchy.

Why??

I’ve done this so many times to you, and I just don’t understand. I tried the delicate cycle, but you are still so darn crunchy.