A little over a year ago, my best friend told me she was afraid I was losing my “sparkle”. She said I had always carried it with me. ~This invisible spark of light that radiates from my face.
Maybe it was because she knew the truth. Maybe it was because she was one of the few people I let my guard down to. Maybe it’s because she saw through the smile I wore upon my face.
I didn’t even see it leaving me at first. My sparkle fading away.
If I didn’t talk about what happened, it wasn’t real…
Everywhere I went, it sat on a shelf deep within me. I’ll deal with it later. No one knew, but a handful of finely selected people. I think I was trying to prove to myself that I was genuinely okay. That I wouldn’t let this steal my happy.
“And she’ll continue to smile, no matter how hurt she is.”
I held it together. No matter where I went. I didn’t want the situation to get the best of me. People would say, “It’s okay to not always keep it together. It’s okay if you want to cry.” But why do I have to let it steal my “bubbliness”, my silly, my smile…my sparkle? It’s who I am. It has defined me since my very beginning.
Yet, somehow my best friend saw through it. She said it was my eyes that gave it away.
And I began to feel its loss too.
I wanted to believe that I was the same. My entire life had changed, but I still needed to be me.
Time. Time heals all wounds. It’s true.
So does love. Love of family and friends. The love of new people in our lives. Talking to the ones you love. Joshua’s face. Joshua’s smile. Joshua’s sparkle. He has it.
The truth is, I am forever changed. I am stronger than I’ve ever been. I love more than I’ve ever loved. I am still me, only magnified. My eyes are wide open. I see everything now.
This past Fall, what was lost was found. She said, “Aimee, it’s back. I see it again…your sparkle.”